Composter child

A person whose actions or behavior are ideal examples of supporting the environmental movement.

Example: “Sarah wants to be seen as the composter child for her grade 1 class. Every day at lunch, she collects food scraps from her classmates, then hides them in a vacant desk at the back of the room.”

[Mashup of composter and poster child.]

Immortal Danger

When you’re in imminent danger of living forever.

[Mashup of immortal and mortal danger.]

Topical Brain Forest

The hair on your head.

[Mashup of tropical rain forest with topical, brain, and forest.]

Philosoraptor

A vicious and cunning person who attacks ideas that have weak theoretical and conceptual underpinnings.

(Mashup of philosopher and velociraptor)

Christmaween

An annual tradition in some North American sub-cultures. Early on the morning of December 25th, children go door-to-door in their neighborhood to ask for presents.

(Mashing up Christmas with Halloween)

A question for everyone named Doug

Does it become annoying that people always refer to you in the past tense?

(Mashing up the name with the past tense of “to dig“)

Unnaturopathy

A school of medical philosophy and practice that seeks to improve health by circumventing the body’s innate capacity to recover from illness and injury. Makes heavy use of manufactured pharmaceuticals and invasive instruments. Practitioners are known as unnaturopaths.

Wait a minute, why does that almost sound like a description of modern Western medicine…?

(Mashup of naturopathy and unnatural)

Obosolete

An old woodwind instrument that you no longer play because you replaced it with something newer.

(Mashup of oboe and obsolete)

Central Meat Maggot

Mashing up the name of what may be Kitchener, Ontario’s oldest grocery store.

A few years ago, the Central Meat Market renamed itself to Central Fresh Market. Question is, does changing the name actually make it so?

Brainharvest Headhouse

A popular bakery — especially around Halloween.

(Mashing up the name of Grainharvest Breadhouse in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada.)

Wedding cartographer

Wedding cartographers produce seating plans that don’t just resolve the inevitable conflicts of who should or should not sit next to whom — they produce those plans in exacting detail. Each table and chair is identified by latitude and longitude, GPS coordinates, and elevations. Notable features in the reception hall are carefully located and identified via a comprehensive visual legend. May be extended with an option for detailed wedding topography.

[Mashup of cartography and wedding photography]

Antisocial worker

A profession whose motto is to “Help people help themselves while completely disregarding the feelings of others.”

[Mashup of social worker with antisocial]

Scrambled eczema

A rare medical condition in which the skin is simultaneously dry, hot, cold, and wet. May be treated in most cases with ketchup.

[Mashup of scrambled eggs and eczema]

YMSPCA

Where neglected pets of all species come together to grow in body, mind, and spirit.

[Mashup of the YMCA and the SPCA]

Insanitation worker

What you become after too many years employed as a trash collector.

[Mashup of sanitation worker and insane]

Insecurity guard

I’m thinking this is a guard who most definitely should NOT be issued a firearm.

[A play on security guard]

Bipolar bear

Could imagine a story in which Bi-Curious George takes his friend the bipolar bear to the therapist.

[Mashup of polar bear and bipolar disorder]

Bi-Curious George

Possible new titles in the series:

• Bi-Curious George Plays with Dick and Jane
• Bi-Curious George Heavy-Pets the Animals
• Bi-Curious George Flies a Kite on Ecstacy

[A play on the famous Curious George children's books]

Impurolator courier

Picture a well-endowed female courier making a delivery — her uniform shirt unbuttoned just a bit too low.

(Feel free to suggest a male equivalent, if you’re so inclined.)

[A play on the Purolator courier company.]

Indeciduous

The inability to decide if leaves will fall from a tree.

[Technically, the opposite of deciduous. But more fun when it's mashed up with indecisive.]

Cross-country wrestling

Fun to imagine, but it pales in comparison to Olympic Hide and Seek, by the masters of sports mashups, Monty Python.

[A sports mashup that combines cross-country running with wrestling]

Gastroetymologist

A person who studies the origin of the word intestines.

[Mashup of gastroenterologist and etymologist]

Gastroentomologist

Either a person who eats insects — or someone who studies a person who eats insects.

[Mashup of gastroenterologist and entomologist]

Microwave freezer

Food too hot? Pop it into the microwave freezer for 10 seconds. Run out of ice cubes at your dinner party? Problem solved in less than 5 minutes.

[Mashing up the convenience of a microwave oven with the function of a freezer]

When hamsters die

Jeremy was shocked to find his hamster floating belly-up against the wires at the top of its cage.

[Mashing up hamsters with what happens when a goldfish dies]