Scrambled eczema

A rare medical condition in which the skin is simultaneously dry, hot, cold, and wet. May be treated in most cases with ketchup.

[Mashup of scrambled eggs and eczema]

YMSPCA

Where neglected pets of all species come together to grow in body, mind, and spirit.

[Mashup of the YMCA and the SPCA]

Insanitation worker

What you become after too many years employed as a trash collector.

[Mashup of sanitation worker and insane]

Insecurity guard

I’m thinking this is a guard who most definitely should NOT be issued a firearm.

[A play on security guard]

Bipolar bear

Could imagine a story in which Bi-Curious George takes his friend the bipolar bear to the therapist.

[Mashup of polar bear and bipolar disorder]

Bi-Curious George

Possible new titles in the series:

• Bi-Curious George Plays with Dick and Jane
• Bi-Curious George Heavy-Pets the Animals
• Bi-Curious George Flies a Kite on Ecstacy

[A play on the famous Curious George children's books]

Impurolator courier

Picture a well-endowed female courier making a delivery — her uniform shirt unbuttoned just a bit too low.

(Feel free to suggest a male equivalent, if you’re so inclined.)

[A play on the Purolator courier company.]

Indeciduous

The inability to decide if leaves will fall from a tree.

[Technically, the opposite of deciduous. But more fun when it's mashed up with indecisive.]

Cross-country wrestling

Fun to imagine, but it pales in comparison to Olympic Hide and Seek, by the masters of sports mashups, Monty Python.

[A sports mashup that combines cross-country running with wrestling]

Gastroetymologist

A person who studies the origin of the word intestines.

[Mashup of gastroenterologist and etymologist]

Gastroentomologist

Either a person who eats insects — or someone who studies a person who eats insects.

[Mashup of gastroenterologist and entomologist]

Microwave freezer

Food too hot? Pop it into the microwave freezer for 10 seconds. Run out of ice cubes at your dinner party? Problem solved in less than 5 minutes.

[Mashing up the convenience of a microwave oven with the function of a freezer]

When hamsters die

Jeremy was shocked to find his hamster floating belly-up against the wires at the top of its cage.

[Mashing up hamsters with what happens when a goldfish dies]

Incontinental Airlines

Finally, an airline that offers a 1:1 ratio of seats to lavatories.

[A mashup of Continental Airlines and incontinent]

No thanks, I’m just browsing

Eric walks into a large plant nursery. Surrounded by lush potted plants, he selects an attractive hibiscus and proceeds to casually eat the leaves from its branches. A concerned salesperson walks up to him quickly.

“Excuse me, may I help you?” the salesperson asks.

“No thanks,” Eric answers. “I’m just browsing.”

[Mashing up two meanings of browse: the act of a herbivore eating plants; and the act of shopping without intending to purchase.]

Inconvenience store

The original meaning mashup that kicked my brain in this direction. Many thanks to Gary Larson, who illustrated this in one of his The Far Side comics: picture a kid standing in the middle of a small store, in which all the shelves are about 12 feet up the walls. Inconvenient indeed.

[A play on convenience store, also known as a variety store or corner store in Canada and the USA]